Having heard about our capra hymena campaign which has been gaining momentum since it featured on various blogs, magazines, and trending on twitter for two straight days [walayi you google it if you think I am lying]. A while ago, I was humbled when I was commissioned by the WHO [in my inbox] to do a research on capra hymena related problems in Uganda. In my research, I came across this young lady who narrated her ordeal and requested that this matter be forwarded to WHO. Here is how it went;
Commissioner: So…miss, what’s your name?
Miss: This is personal information I’m going to share here, I’m not sure I want my true identity attached to it.
Commissioner: oh, I understand. As long as you promise to be authentic, I also don’t want to lie to my audience. But I guess we can go straight to the story. So what’s this problem that you feel needs to get out there and why do you think people need to know about it?
Commissioner: But everyone knows about FGM. We already have a law against it, The Prohibition of Female Genital Mutilation Act 2010. It was even assented to law by our dear leader, the President, on March 17th 2010 before commencing on April 9th 2010.
Miss: Noo.. I’m talking about Female Genital Modification.
Commissioner: That’s the problem with you young people, you watch too much TV and you want to try everything you see. So what did you do, have a clitoridectomy?
Miss: Clito-biki? Whatever that means! But me I mean Okukyalira ensiko. The practice that involves heaving those inner “puffy parts” of a pretty looking kitten -with the use of local herbs (like Solanum aculeastrum Dunaland Bidens pilosa) till its muzzle starts to wobble like that of a bulldog.
Go on Delgado, show him what I’m talking about.
Commissioner: Huh, you even have a pet to demonstrate, how professional you are!
Miss: That’s not all. Then they continue jerking and stretching the poor animal’s cute flaps until it transforms into one of those dreadful multi-armed beast that dwell in the pitch black depth of the sea.
Commissioner: No kidding! Naye what I don’t get, why are you whining whining now, I thought that’s what you wanted?
Miss: Did I? I was only 12; I didn’t willingly consent to this. My mum just took me to senga Nabikande and asked me to do as she asks.
Commissioner: Crude woman senga Nabikande.
But Miss, I also understand FGM(odification) is Type IV FGM(utilation) by World Health Organisation standards. Naye nga that practice seems to be quite popular around here! I doubt many readers will share your sentiments.
Miss: Are you kidding me? Girls at school called it all sorts of ugly names. I even got a boyfriend but he left me just before the degoating ceremony. He sent me a very depressing letter 6 months later, saying how he couldn’t plow my furrow because it’s littered with snakes.
Commissioner: Insensitive bustard! Wamma don’t dispair, me I know people who would dig your nether lands. One question though, how do you wear a bikini without worrying about any auxesis flapping about in the open?
Miss: Really? Are you also making fun of me? Naye Kati Mr. commissioner, [this was meant to be off record] don’t I get anything for my story?
Commissioner: You just wait, when your story gets to WHO they may even take you outside countries and you become famous like those Child soldiers.