Vendors’ Code of Conduct

You are seated in a taxi back to Ntinda. You’re listening to The Fray’s new album as you go through your facebook notifications; generally relaxed and feeling cooler-than-thou. Suddenly, this guy appears out of nowhere, brandishing a cocktail of metal and rubber, things that are shaped like watches. You have no intentions of buying, but one of them is a shocking replica of the Rolex on your wrist so you find yourself squint at it.

Deftly, he snaps it out of the bunch and tosses it onto your lap. You make mistake #2 and pick it up—mistake #1 having been to look at it. Not so you can buy it because duh! You already have an original one which your brother from outside countries left behind last summer. You’re only scrutinizing this dog-shit piece of metal because the conceited snob in you is screeching “shya! Kale this can’t be the real one”, and you won’t settle until you fault it. Finally, having realized that the “r” and “l” are interchanged on this brand, you hand back the watch to the vendor with a smirk on your face.
To your astonishment, the guy refuses to pick up his toy and instead asks how much you have. You shake your head in discontentment as you thrust back the damn thing, but he still won’t take it from you. Then the epiphany; this bastard is trying to bully you into buying his crap.

To such extortionists and other vendors who resort to devious means to extract money from customers, here is a short code of conduct that Auntie Jennie should bring to your attention.

Learn to take back your shit; Shoving crap in the hands of whoever’s eyes have been unfortunate to collide with and then refusing to get it back is ridiculous. A person looks your way because you blocked their view, not because they want to buy.

On a frisky day, I would show you who is a bigger bully by sliding the window on your extortionist ass and let you rant, spit at, and kick the taxi all you want, before making you jog a couple of meters for your Lorex.

One ‘no’ is enough; If a person says they are not buying, stop asking them how much they have. The problem is not always with the price, some people are just choosey about what they spend on. If they could be as impudent as you are, they would tell you “I have 140k—loose change—in my wallet but I’m just not in a charitable mood today.”

Be sure of your last price; It is quite presumptuous of you to assume that everyone is up for your underhanded game where you play on the customer’s ignorance to rip them off as much money as they can spend. If one asks for your last price and you blurt out a figure, don’t grab their hand to renegotiate as they turn to leave.


One thought on “Vendors’ Code of Conduct

  1. One no is enough? Ha! That's not something Ugandans (the men especially) are willing to swallow. Not with all that wahala of be persistent! Be persistent! Aate 97/10 vendors are men.


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