A day in the life of a cyber-loafer.

6:00 AM. I wake up and rummage through the sheets for my phone to check my fb notifications. Nothing but birthday reminders, humph! Now this is one chore I wrote off, writing nice things on people’s walls for 365 days mbu so they can return the favor one day (only to be indebted for the next 365 days); Clear notification and move on.

8:30 AM. In office; I start the computer and open Google chrome which takes me straight to my fb homepage. Now is the time to do all the fbking that couldn’t be done on mobile while in the taxi like sharing hilarious updates, photos, and links

No, I’m not white. I’m black, very black!


9:00 AM. I open another tab for Gmail where my SO finds me replying mail before we start chatting and exchanging links to fantastic sites.

10:30 AM. My office phone rings and my heart skips a beat, I pick it up and it’s the boss asking me to go pick a file, peruse it and email a detailed memorandum before 2:00 PM. I pout as I slam down the handset.

10:32 AM. At the boss’s office; just before I reach for the door knob, I straighten my tie and shirt cuffs, then replace the pouty snout with the straight face of a president coming in for a state of the nation address.

11:00 AM. I’m slothfully perusing the file when the chrome window starts blinking with (1)Facebook. I hastily slide away the file to open my facebook only to find an invitation for a prayer retreat. Mstchw…, I click on block all invitations from this user.

11:30 AM. Fb is as boring as the file I’m reading, I remember I reactivated my Twitter account three weeks ago so I log in to check it out. Eh! rbalamaga still has 4 followers after followed all these fools? I guess twitter is just not my ish; perhaps I should find a more appealing handle than this mind tiring balamaga name? I retweet a silly quote by madam_mischief and close the tab.

12:45 AM. The office phone rings again and I get a mini heart attack—I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the sound of this phone. Scared that I haven’t done much on the file; I memorize the little I’ve covered before I pick up the handset. Big sigh! It’s just Angel notifying me that lunch ready.

12:47 AM. I decide to make sure I finish the bloody memorandum before I make appearance in the kitchen, besides I don’t want to collide there with the boss.

2:00 PM. I remember to go serve my lunch before the askari brings his dish. I will eat it as I reread old urbanlegend.com posts and smiling like a retard.

3:00 PM. I am so bored; I decide to watch this Louis CK video on youtube. But I have to do it furtively with just one earphone in the left ear that faces the window; I don’t want workmates scowling at me when the office internet bundle runs out.

4:00 PM. The bosses have refused to leave and me, I want to go; the boredom reminds me I have an exe I have to check on to see how she’s managing without me. I giggle at her melancholy updates and move on.

4:30 PM. The bosses are normally out by now but today they have refused to leave but fuck it, me I’m out of this place, I have to see my gf.


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