When You Cook Burnt Pork 

When you’ve invited a friend over for food, you’re safer sticking to a tested and proven recipe; resist the temptation to go all magician on the food.

In your attempt to impress, you may end up doing something as stupid as throwing in the onions along with pork at once, thinking, I always do this for chicken and beef but never done it for pork. This time I want the flavors to defuse into the pork early enough. 
You will forget that chicken and beef don’t have as much fats as pork, which when heated will eventually burn the onions until they turn soot black. These soot black onions will in turn yield burnt pork and its in that moment that you’ll realize why you always put the onions, green pepper, carrots and the rest at the end when the pork is ready. But it’ll be too late to remedy the disaster. 

In an attempt to save face, you’ll conceive a wicked idea, thinking, I am not dealing with a food connoisseur here. I could throw in a few random spices and baptize this dish with a fancyass name that he won’t argue with. So you do your magic, plate the pork as best you can, and introduce it as “Cambodian Scorched and Spicy Pork Morsels with Lemmon Zest Garnish.”

To confuse their palate, you’ll first offer them a double shot glass of straight scotch before serving your scorched meat. Then through the side of your eye, you’ll see your guest endure your burnt offerings while you go on about how you nailed the taste and blended the flavors on your first attempt. But deep down you’ll know they’re not buying your shit story, because they’re not dumb. 

In the interludes of silence, you’ll picture them telling your other friends in your absence how your food doesn’t taste remotely as nice as it looks. For a moment you’ll want to come clean and confess that this is just burnt pork with soy sauce, ketchup, red chili flakes and lemon zest sprinklings. But won’t. Instead, you’ll just say a silent prayer that they’ll only suffer a mild stomach upset without the diarrhea. 

Don’t kill your friends. Be a better host and stick to the tested and proven recipes. 

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