ONLINE DATING! The hustle is real.

Day 1. On Facebook

Girl meets boy in a facebook group, girl sends a friendship request, boy accepts, girl sends a whimsical message disguised as a thank-you-for-accepting-my-request note but in actual sense is meant as an invitation for a chat, boy obliges and chat takes off, continuing for a while before they find an excuse to switch to Whatsapp where the two enjoy each other’s company till 1 am.

Day 2. On Whatsapp

The two exchange morning greetings and related pleasantries and continue chatting on and off, but conversation is starting to drag and mostly characterized by pointless lols and emoji, girl lols last 11:23 am.
Now, girl is left to carry on with the chat by herself. In her head!

12:30 Pm

“I am bored, I want to chat but this guy is not replying my text.” Pouty face
“But there is no text to reply, how does one reply to a lol?”
“I know, but still, let him take ko some initiative also.”

1:20 Pm

“Okay it’s lunch time now, he should be on his lunch break. I think I should ask him how his lunch is going.”
“But if he’s not busy why won’t he reinitiate this conversation? I think you’re over wanting. It’s not like he didn’t see your previous messages. Heck the ticks are blue. No, wait this out.”

4:50 Pm

“Is this man going to text me or not?”
“Have you considered that maybe he’s not texting you because he he’s busy? He clearly told you last night that he has a busy day today.”
“Sigh! I know, but his last seen shows that he’s been online as recent as 4:42. Why else is he checking out his Whatsapp if he’s not chatting with other people?” Sad face.

6:20 Pm.

Okay, that’s it. I am going to text him. He can’t be at work at this time.”
“So what are you going to tell him?”
“I’ll start by asking him about his day, how it went.”
“You realize you’ll now have two unanswered messages out there. You’re sure you want to portray yourself as that desperate? This man seemed to enjoy conversing with you last night, just wait it out. You know he read your messages, let him reply first naawe.”

9:30 Pm

“This bastard is busy chatting with other women. I can see he is online. Even his facebook shows he has been pretty active throughout the day, liking other girl’s photos and responding to wall posts. I am not going to text him before he texts me, I will not be that girl.” Sob sob.
“Have you considered the possibility that he may actually have a girlfriend, or even married?”
“Then what was he doing chatting with me till dawn last night? Whore!”

11:00 Pm

“Humph! Now what did I do or say wrong? I’ve gone through the entire conversation and can’t see what could have jinxed this. I already told him my relationship status on facebook is just for just.
“Well, maybe he’s also doing this on purpose to see if you care, for all we know he may also be there battling the same thoughts as you, waiting to see if you care enough to follow up the conversation.”
“Sigh! You have a point there, let me just send him a goodnight text and that will be it. Don’t want to beat myself up in future thinking my pride ruined this.”
“Shya, don’t talk about pride like it’s a bad thing. Actually, the moment you send the message you delete the entire thread along with his number. Block him on facebook even so you’re not tempted to text him again before he texts us back. You know yourself.”

11:40 Pm

Starts typing message. ‘Hey there, busy day huh? Same here, anyway, gotta hit the sack, catch you tomorr..’ Changes mind, deletes typed message and turns off her last seen before tossing away the phone.
“I don’t want this man thinking that I am missing him this much. If he wants he will text me, if he doesn’t I delete his contacts tomorrow and write this off as his loss. I am a hot smart chic. I’ll not waste my youth on cheating bastards.”

Day3: 3 am

Wakes up from a sleepless night to pee, carries phone with to the toilet to check on her notifications. Finds 3 sweet and caring messages from all the wrong people, breaks into tears.
Tries to check his last seen, realizes she can’t because she turned off hers, goes to settings and reactivates hers, only to see that the bastard was last seen online 30 minutes ago, breaks into tears.
“We had a good thing going.” Sniff sniff. “What really went wrong? What did I do to this man? Why are men such fuckin’ morons? God I am such a loser.”
“That you are. You’ve only known that man for less than 36 hours. Why the fuck are you crying for a stranger at 3 am? Jesus!”
Doubs her eyes with the sleeves of her pajamas. Discretely memorizes the last two digits of the number and deletes it. Proceeds to facebook, deletes all messages before unfriending, stops short of blocking him.
“To hell with these trifling, cheating sons-a-bitches. Time wasters just” Sniff sniff.
8:20 Am

Boy finally texts “Hey there, still alive? Been a while, missed me much?”
“Oh hey there. Didn’t even notice your absence. But sounds like you missed me, no?”
2:30 Pm

Boy hasn’t replied yet. But his Whatsapp shows he’s online.
And the hustle continues …


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